Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I FOUND THE LEGS
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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