It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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