Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
