Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
