Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
