I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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