We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
