Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
