Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
