That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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