And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
So. Much. Porn.
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