nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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