i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Randomize
