I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
