Can i not drive my cunt home
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's blow job season.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Lo siento on account of my penis...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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