She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
