btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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