yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
if only i could text you this smell
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
