Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i now understand why vodka
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
