Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
