So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
