I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
