Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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