Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
