I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Randomize
