I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
