Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
