Don't you send me to vm
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
