I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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