Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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