she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
