mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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