I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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