wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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