dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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