we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
