dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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