They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Pooping to opera.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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