Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
