i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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