Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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