Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
