So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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