ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
