Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
