From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
