Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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