did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
