If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
