Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
