Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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